New York I love you, but you almost got me mugged. Last night, I cooked dinner with a cute boy (you may remember him as “Shit Pictures“). After our meal and a little making out, we walked to get some ice cream. We brought my dog Oliver along, and after we got our cones we sat… Read more »
I love New York. I love everything from the smells to the blisters to the garbage on the mean streets. New York, New York. It’s glamorous and glorious. I moved to New York six years ago, and I’ve lived in the same building in Hell’s Kitchen for five of them. My neighborhood, which was once… Read more »
This past holiday week I went to visit a guy I’ve been long-distancely dating for a few months. While I was at his apartment, I felt a full-blown nervous breakdown coming on. A what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-I’m-going-to-die-alone-my-thighs-look-fat-in-everything-I-wear kind of breakdown. Not good. I tried the standard think-about-nice-things-like-puppy-dogs-Swedish-fish-and-Paul-Rudd’s-delicious-smile route, but it wasn’t working. Shit! I was on the verge of a serious nervous… Read more »
A few months ago, my friend Carrie told me about the band Fun. and their album, Some Nights. I knew their hit song, “We Are Young” because my crazy spinning teacher Cliff makes us sing along while screaming in our faces to move faster (he’s the best and you should totally take his class). I finally listened to the… Read more »
Sometimes, when work is slow, I rent my apartment to make some extra cash. Yes that’s right—I allow strangers to have sex in my bed, and I am totally okay with it. I actually feel really good about my apartment getting some ass. So if you’re running low on money and you’re okay with strangers doing it where you… Read more »
Recently I went home to see my family and somehow, over dinner, Kenny Loggins came up. My dad abruptly excused himself from the table and my mom looked at me strangely. I asked if I had done something wrong. She said, “We don’t speak of Kenny Loggins in this house.” Why? Why don’t we speak of Kenny Loggins in this… Read more »
Last night I went to the theatre to see a wonderful play called Venus in Fur. My friend Ross was the assistant director, so I hung around afterwards to congratulate him. I was waiting on the sidewalk outside of the theatre, innocently chatting with my theatre date about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness, when… Read more »
This past weekend I went “home” to Boone, North Carolina to see the littlest Gentile, Nicholas, graduate from high-school. As you can see from the picture attached, he was REALLY thrilled about graduating. Because I am 11 years older than Nicholas, I still see him as a helpless baby, and watching him walk across the… Read more »
I have a loud sex neighbor. It’s not all the time, but when it happens, I feel like drinking bleach. I’m not sure why bleach always comes to mind—I guess it’s the cleanest thing I can think of. I can’t get mad at them though, because when I have sex I’m pretty loud too. Not… Read more »
Men! They are from Mars, and we are from Venus, right? Not exactly. Here is something that is going to blow your mind: We are all actually from the same planet—Earth. Google it. So why then, is it so hard for men and women to “get” each other? I blame pop music. There was a time when… Read more »
