Ah, but Peter dear, this is about an extremely volatile subject. A womans weight is as off limits as the size of a mans salami!

Are you really just 5-10lb overweight or you are really a huge porkchop and don't want to tell us the truth? I would say, don't give this dude any money but lose weight so that when the next guy comes along, you won't have to post another question on this board.

Thanks, everyone.

I really am only 5 -10 lbs overweight, NY Clover, and he and I have since talked. He agrees he was insensitive and that canceling the trip was overreacting. I agree I was out of line to cc him on an e-mail and have apologized. In the meantime, Randy Cohen, The Ethicist himself (NY Times and in other newspapers) wrote something so cool and beautiful on a similar issue:


> It is wise to be insanely generous in your romantic life, even when a
> relationship is ending. If there is an ethics of love, it's that love
> transcends ethics. Ethics defines minimum acceptable behavior, but
> love demands the best from us. Take the high road here; you'll be glad
> you did. Nobody ever looks back on their conduct in a romance and
> berates himself for being too kind.

Thanks for sharing Mr. Cohen's advice. His responses are always thoughtful.