I trust New Yorkers to tell it like it is on this one. I'm too close.

I was dating a guy for five months and we had plans to go to my family's house in Virginia for Christmas together (then go up to NYC where I am from). He put all three of our airline tickets on his Visa. (me, my son's and his). I paid him the money for my son's ticket and could pay him back for my ticket after the trip. He broke up with me and canceled going on the trip three days before the trip. I had to pay $240 to Midwest Express to change my tickets to come home early, because I could not afford to do the rest of the trip--rental car, NYC hotel--without him sharing the expenses. He says I still owe him the $217 for the ticket. I say we are even, because I had to incur the extra money to come home early.

Who's right here?

Without hearing both sides (a rule I like to follow when making an ethical choice!), I'd say it sounds like $217 is a cheap price to pay to be rid of this guy in your life.

give him half. He broke up with you and cancelled the trip just 3 days before Xmas? Ouch. You said you'd have the cash to pay him after the trip, so he should have known that this was a bit of a financial struggle for you, and then with the extra fees and such for changed tickets...a tough one, but give him half to be good about it. If he cancelled the trip, he should expect to have to suffer some consequences, too.

Why did he break up with you? If you want to know the answer you should tell us waht the reason was.

Ok, fair enough, Leonard: here's how the break-up occured.

he has been critical of my body. ( i am about 5-10 lbs overweight ) i told him i didn't want or need that kind of criticism; i was working out; i am healthy, good-looking, etc.

--he made an indirect negative comment about my body. (i.e "if you had this this and this done re: plastic surgery, you would look really great and not want me anymore")
--i got hurt & angry and canceled going up to his folks ( a one-day's notice invite 1/2 hour away)
--i cc'ed him on an e-mail to a friend about how hurt i was re: his plastic surgery comment & implied that his insensitivity was why his teenage girls didn't want to see him (which i have since apologized for )
--he canceled three days before our Christmas trip, which had been planned for a month and a half
--he has since admitted he has cold feet about taking our relationship to the next step, which I believe is the root of the cancellation, even though he disagrees.

thanks.

he broke up with you over your weight?? don't pay him back.

only 5-10 pounds!?????? Heck I would kill to be only 5-10 pounds overweight. He sounds like a weenie to me. It also sounds like you have alot to talk about. And in my opinion you were a bit off by cc ing him that email. You shouldnt have had to do that. If your relationship was worth the trouble in the first place you could have talked to him about it instead of just copying some email to him. Sounds like you need to talk and do what the others said and give him half back. Part of the reason he may have cancelled is because you wouldnt just talk with him, but had to send him an email meant for someone else. I hope you find someone that treats you well and that you feel you can talk to about problems like that.

Amy

I think we all agree that he is a pig. But as you say it is probably him having cold feet about the relationship that is making him act this way. If he has teens, he must have been in a relationship that went sour, there is some consideration to be taken here.
We also agree that 5 - 10 lb is sod all!
I wouldn't pay him to be honest with you, he cancelled not you.

I don't know if he is a pig or not, but you have to understand that for a man looks and weight make a difference. I think his comments indicate that he lost some attraction towards you and things he did not notice before started bothering him now. In any case, it seems to me that you, not him cancelled this trip. So, logically and practically you owe him money. If it was a business situation and there was a contract in place, you would have to pay since you basically initiated this break up. But since this is just an ethical problem, I would say it can go either way. I bet that from his perspective, you cancelled the trip, basically initiated the breakup and should pay him. From your perspective, he is insensitive, pig, bastard, etc. so you don't have to pay him. We are talking about a relatively small sum of money, so no matter what happens you will be fine.

I see that a couple of ladies here called that man a pig and all that... I agree that comments he made were insensitive and inappropriate but I think this whole situation is your fault. Instead of having an adult and honest discussion with him, you cancelled a trip to his falks, you wrote an email and copied him --- basically you did all you could to make him break up with you. It seems like you have a thin skin and don't really appreciate that relationship if you are willing to break it off so easily instead of trying to make it work. And if he is such a pig, why have you dated him for 5 months? Was he mister charming and then suddenly change and became a beast? If I were him I would do the same thing and ask you to give me his money back. The fact that you had to may to change the day to go to your folks has nothing to do with him. But a ral gentleman pays for the lady and cannot expect that she will always pay him back. How many times did I pay for the girl and got nothing in return -- plenty!! It's like me going to a girl that did not want to go out with me saying: "Remember that dinner we had together on a blind date, give me back those 40 bucks" Girls rarely pay and I am surprised you even ask this question.

Good to see people people always listen to both sides before making a judgment towards someone else.

I agree with Leonard that you did not behave in a very grown up fashion, but then either did her making weight comments. Trust is everything in a relationship, and it appears neither of you had it in the other.

That said, I agree if he is really going to be a jerk, I am with Oracle, worth the price to say goodbye. No price to high for peace of mind.

Follow your heart, and may the next one be a keeper.