We’ve all been there. You’re headed to a date with a new person, happy as a lamb adopted by a vegetarian farmer. You wear your Sunday best even though it’s not Sunday. You get your hair did. You even whip out a little perfume or cologne. You arrive, wait for him or her, and they… Read more »
Too fast? Too Slow? I like it JUST RIGHT. No, I am not talking about my sexual preferences. Although, it is true that Jack Rabbit sex is never good, and I can only imagine that slow motion sex would be extremely awkward. I’ll try it and get back to you. No, I am actually talking about my… Read more »
Because the 26-year-old Dominican super in your building with three kids from three different baby mamas just told you that he thinks you’re too good for him and that he doesn’t like the way he dresses. Done and done, Jose!
Listen, break-ups suck. They suck when your ex is the biggest asshole in the world because you’re left thinking, Why did I date such an asshole? How could my friends let me date such an asshole? They suck when your ex is the nicest guy in the world because you’re left thinking, How am I going to… Read more »
I am dating someone new, and he recently called me out on not having a top sheet on my bed. He’s right. I do not have a top sheet on my bed. I am almost 29 years old, and I have never once put a top sheet on my bed. I wouldn’t even know how… Read more »
This past holiday week I went to visit a guy I’ve been long-distancely dating for a few months. While I was at his apartment, I felt a full-blown nervous breakdown coming on. A what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-I’m-going-to-die-alone-my-thighs-look-fat-in-everything-I-wear kind of breakdown. Not good. I tried the standard think-about-nice-things-like-puppy-dogs-Swedish-fish-and-Paul-Rudd’s-delicious-smile route, but it wasn’t working. Shit! I was on the verge of a serious nervous… Read more »
I have been hanging out with a new dude, and the other night he invited me over to see his place for the first time. He promised crackers, cheese, and wine. I promised Bananagrams. I was really nervous on the train to Park Slope. Crackers and cheese! He sounded like a real man. When I arrived,… Read more »
A few years ago, on a lovely Saturday afternoon, I went for a sensible walk down Second Avenue in the East Village. It was a typical day in the neighborhood—I walked past a crack head peeing on himself, a circle of “homeless teenagers” that you know actually live in a penthouse with their parents on… Read more »
Every woman is looking for the perfect package: smart, funny, sensitive (but not in that weak, sad way). Not too long ago, I found a guy who seemed to fit the bill. We went on several dates that included lots of movies and sleepovers. Everything was going well except for one thing: we hadn’t had… Read more »
Happy belated Valentine’s day to all the Big City Sirens out there. This year, I actually have a Valentine, and it even has a penis! The relationship is new, so I thought I’d go over a few new relationship tips because girls are, well, stupid. I’m stupid, you’re stupid, we’re all stupid. And if you… Read more »
