by:

The other day I was running errands in my neighborhood when I thought I heard someone call my name. I looked over, saw someone I didn’t know, and assumed he must be referring to some other Lindsey. I turned up Robyn on my ipod (great break-up music, btw), but after three more Lindsey‘s the guy ran up behind me, grabbed my shoulders, and went in for a hug!

First of all, in New York City you do not:

1. Run up behind people

2. Touch strangers

3. Give out free hugs

Before I could stick my elbow out and go in for the kill, this mystery person started talking about my friends, my job, my life. Either I officially had a stalker or else I’d slept with him at some point. So I did what any normal person would do: I hugged him, whispered I’m so sorry about everything, and then slowly, dramatically walked away—with a limp.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, faced with someone you should remember but don’t, here are a few additional suggestions:

1. Scream “OH MY GOD!!!! I haven’t seen you in forever. How was that thing you had to take care of?!” Make thing sound like an STD or a horrible medical procedure. Make sure you scream it loud, and directly into their good ear.

2. Feign mental illness or memory loss. Address them as “Grandma?”  Always carry a fake doctor’s note that says, “Dear pedestrian, I regret to inform you that your dear friend has a rare disease that makes her believe that everyone is her grandmother. And her grandmother was a not a nice person, so you have til the count of three to get out of her face.” You should also ask them to read the note aloud using a British accent.

3. Run away yelling, “I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.” Works every time.

Lindsey Gentile is an actor, writer, comedienne, and all-around gal-about-town. Every Thursday, she reports from the front lines of single life in NYC. Check out her website HERE. Need more Big City Siren? No problem.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

2 Responses to “BIG CITY SIREN ~ Tips for the Forgetful (and Forgettable)”

Leave a comment

  • (will not be published)