I seem to be something of a rare breed, as all of my baby’s friends’ caregivers are mothers. Lately I’ve found myself wanting to ask these other mothers (again, these other mothers?), “Does anybody here ever have sex?”
Thus far, I’ve restrained myself, as this line of questioning may very well be viewed as somewhat odd during play dates or music time or swim class or lunch or brunch or the occasional trip to the Natural History Museum. Instead, I’ve decided that I will ask it here (where, admittedly, many of the other mothers—the other mothers?—may very well read it):
“Does anybody here ever have sex?”
Am I just too tired after managing Little One all day? And is every other parent this tired? Am I just too lazy after a day with Little One? And is every other parent this lazy? And it’s not like the topic should be verboten. Sex is how we all got into this mess in the first place. And again I wonder: Has sex simply gone out of fashion? (Doubtful.) Am I too distracted? Is every other parent this distracted? Am I impotent? (Again, doubtful.) And is this what happens to all parents? Is there any overcoming this loss of interest? Or is this a Stay-At-Home Dad kind of thing, and the other mothers are all going at it like rabbits after Baby goes to bed? If it is indeed a Stay-At-Home Dad thing, how can I confirm this supposition, as I am the only Stay-At-Home Dad I know? And furthermore, is it mind-bogglingly inappropriate for me to have broached this subject in the first place? Will I be shunt, so to speak, by the other mothers? (Other mothers? I really must stop doing that.) Will I be phased out from play dates and music class and lunch? Excised from the email threads? Shunt at the grocery store?
“Oh, it’s him,” they’ll say. “I read his blog. He’s that Stay-At-Home Dad who’s a sex crazed maniac. He talks about sex in the public forum. What kind of parent would do that? I have to say, I don’t let my little Matilda to play with his daughter anymore.”
So, am I ostracizing myself? And worse, am I ostracizing my kid? Will she be shunt? Will she become socially incompetent, socially awkward, socially impossible, and then (Gasp!), that worst of all worse things: a Social Misfit?!? (Although, again, I doubt it.)
So…what’s a Stay-At-Home Dad to do?
Well, firstly, before any of these questions posited above provide any answers of their own, this Stay-At-Home Dad’s primary directive should naturally be as follows:
Go and fuck.