Too fast? Too Slow? I like it JUST RIGHT.
No, I am not talking about my sexual preferences. Although, it is true that Jack Rabbit sex is never good, and I can only imagine that slow motion sex would be extremely awkward. I’ll try it and get back to you.
No, I am actually talking about my dating life. As you may or may not know, this Big City Siren is back on the market (and at the moment, this particular market feels like a dead smelly fish market filled with rotting sea carcasses…think Chinatown).
One of my main goals for any new dating adventures is to take things at the right pace. For the first time, I am trying to date the right way.
I am used to meeting someone and falling head-over-heels, and then moving in with him within three days. I forget that my friends and my own life exist, and by the time I find out the guy is bat shit crazy (one week later), I am already in too deep. I have to learn how to either tolerate him or try to change him (which never works), and then the whole thing crashes and burns faster than it started. Plus, the ending is a painful, horrible whirlwind, and I want to die. Can you tell that I speak from lots of crash and burn experience?
I recently met someone very sweet and smart. Four points. We met through a good friend. Five points. He had a real job at an awesome company. Three points. He liked to go to fun/non-douchey yet semi-trendy places. Two points. And drink delicious cocktails. Seven points. That is 21 points on the new dating experience scale (no idea how many points are good or bad or what they mean).
We met in late October. I stopped by a bar to say hi and bye to a good friend. He ended up being a good friend of my good friend’s boyfriend. We met, and I was intrigued. He was forward about taking me out to brunch after he got back from a business trip two weeks later. I was into it. I love brunch. We had exchanged numbers, and we had even texted a few times while he was away. But he got back to NY the day before hurricane Sandy, and between me not having power, and the trains not running, and him coming down with some sort of flu, we didn’t see each other again until almost a month after we first met.
The first date went really well. He paid for everything, which I’m not used to. He picked the spot and had a few more places up his sleeve just in case I didn’t like it. He had a great sense of humor and seemed into me. At the end of the night, he walked me home. I was a little nervous. We got to my little stoop and…no kiss. I was leaving town myself in three days, so I wanted to sneak in one more date before I left.
We met two days later for Date #2. We were both more relaxed. We stayed out late because we were both having a great time. He walked me home, I had butterflies…and again NO KISS.
While I was out of town, I heard from him, not a lot, but a few little texts here and there. Then I got home from my trip, he was busy with work, and by the time we saw each other for the third time, it was almost a month after Date #2.
Anywho, Date #3. Here we go! We HAD to kiss. It was almost two months since we’d first met. It was an awesome date, a marathon date. We went to a million different places, and we MADE OUT all over New York. But after that there was another business trip, the holidays, his brother’s birthday, a family wedding. I was over it.
Now, hear me out. I get that we’re both busy, but we had NEVER ONCE talked on the phone, which I think is weird. Really weird. How are you supposed to get to know someone if you see each other every three weeks and there is VERY little communication in between? I need so much more than that.
Waiting three weeks between dates is like driving a huge truck down the center of your relationship. The chemistry dies, and you have to find it again when you finally do see each other. If we had been in contact via the phone, we would have been on a completely different level. It seems like he’s just not that into me, right? Well, a little birdie told me that he was very interested in me, but if that birdie hadn’t told me that, I’d never have known it. Not in a million years.
So now I am looking for my Just Right. I want to take it slow in the beginning, but be available and open enough to take it a little faster when the time is right.